My grace is sufficient for you.

Why is this so difficult. Perhaps it is because I can’t see for forest for the trees…because I think I am a tree, in fact, the tree, around which the forest grows….  Perhaps because the delusion I know is more familiar, more comfortable, more “me,” at least as I think of myself to be, than the reality that I don’t know, don’t wish to know, wish to forget, wish to disinherit, wish to reject outright…but find that I can’t do that because it is me, the real me, the literally little, truly old me, the me that I work so hard to avoid, to overcome, to gloss over, to pretend I don’t know him, to laugh off, to kill off…but painfully I know in my heart of hearts that this is the “I am” of me, the real me that God gave me at my conception, the real me that was born, was baptized, the real me that I have been trying to hid in the closet ever since.

Perhaps we all have to come out of the closet, not the closet of sexual identity, though perhaps that may be part of it, but the closet of sin, of rejection, of attempted suicide of the real me by the false me…every day in every way, trying to run farther and farther from “it”, from me, but, to my horror and ever growing fatigue, is not only running along side me, but I find it is me…running.

Is there a difference between real sin and the delusion of sin in falling short of my imagined false image…All delusion, all falsehood, all lies, whether verbal or actual, i.e. lived out in act, is sin…it is rejection of the Truth, it is rejection of God’s goodness, it is rejection of God’s love, it is rejection of the gifts that God has given me from the moment of my conception until now, it is me clinging to the illusion of my mind rather that the reality of my cross.  For my cross is no more nor less than my life, not as I think I am, not as I want it to be, not as I imagine it is or should be, but my life as God graces me with here and now, with no soft lights, no make-up, no cameras, no fancy clothes, just life.

Mary, His Mother states that through the cross, God is being glorified in every person.  The miracle that God created is that by accepting God into my life, by allowing Him to determine what I do, what I say, what I think, who I am, I not only give Him the greatest glory, because I am not rejecting any of his glorious gifts which manifest Him to the world…but I also, though His divine providence, am carrying my life, my cross. I am not only coming ever closer to my greatest happiness, but I am living at this moment, in this place, with these people in this happening my greatest truth, my greatest reality, my greatest happiness.

Do not be afraid to carry it, Paul, my grace is sufficient for you….the more I can live His life, His love, His Truth, His Goodness, and the more I can shed, can die to the self I think I am, I wanta be, I imagine myself to be, I slave to be, I have sold my soul to be [though fortunately God has bought it back, has demanded it back, for it was obtained under duress, under false pretenses, illicitly, immorally, imprudently, pridefully, sinfully]…the more I can reject Satan and all his works and all his illusions…the more I can just be who God made me, the more I praise God, I reverence God, I serve God, I love God…and the more I love and serve everybody…since we are all in the same boat, the same ark, the same Body, the same creation, since we are all the same,… period.

My Son is with you and he will help you. Let us find, through the steps to Calvary; the roadway of our own true lives.

Help us throw off the picture of Dorian Grey that we carry around with us…this was the picture that Zachariah had of himself and his wife which he couldn’t let go of when Gabriel told him it was false and God had another reality for him, a reality of parenthood.

Help us adopt the reality of Mary that processed the words of Gabriel and, when confronted with a mystery, asked humbly what new reality was going to be given her by God.  She, too, was told, my grace is sufficient for you.

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